Even if she'd been standing to one side,
the only light in the room was coming from that
bloody sunset; the pad would have been nothing but
a black rectangle against the glare
I flicked on the lights, praying I hadn't done
something to distress the daughter who had come
all this way to make sure I was okayFrom her
voice, I hadn't been able to tell"Ilse?"
She turned to me, her face bemused rather than
angry"When did you do this one?"
"Well"Stand aside a little, would
you?"
"Is your memory playing tricks again? It is, isn't
it?"
"No," I said It was the beach
outside the window, I could tell that much but no
more"As soon as I see it, I'm sure I'llstep
aside, honey, you make a better door than a
window
"Even new omega watches though I am a pain, right?" She laughed
Rarely had the sound of laughter so relieved me
Whatever she'd found on the easel, it hadn't made
168
her mad, and my stomach dropped back where it
belongedIf she wasn't angry, the risk that I
might get angry and spoil what had, on measure,
been a pretty damned good visit went down
She stepped to the left, and I saw what I'd drawn
while in my dazed, pre-nap stateTechnically, it
was probably the best thing I'd done since my
first tentative pen-and-inks on Lake Phalen, but I
thought it was no wonder she was puzzled
It was the section of beach I could see through
Little Pink's nearly wall-length windowThe
casual scribble of light on the water, achieved
with a shade the Venus Company ladies omega watches called Chrome,
marked the time as early morningA little girl in
a tennis dress stood at the center of the picture
Her back was turned, but her red hair was a dead
giveaway: she was Reba, my little love, that
girlfriend from my other lifeThe figure was
poorly executed, but you somehow knew that was on
purpose, that she wasn't a real little girl at all,
only a dream figure in a dream landscape
All around her feet, lying in the sand, were
bright green tennis balls
169
Others floated shoreward on the mild waves
"When did you do it?" Ilse was still smiling -
almost laughing"And what the heck does it mean?"
"Do you like it?" I askedBecause I didn't like
itThe tennis balls were the wrong color because
I hadn't had the omega de ville men's watches right shade of green, but that
wasn't why; I hated it because it felt all wrong
It felt like heartbreak
"I love it!" she said, and then did laugh"C'mon,
when did you do it? Give
"While you were sleepingI went to lie down, but
I felt queasy again, so I thought I better stay
vertical for awhileI decided to draw a little,
see if things would settleI didn't realize I had
that thing in my hand until I got up here I
pointed to Reba, sitting propped against the
window with her stuffed legs sticking out
"That's the doll you're supposed to yell at when
you forget things, right?"
"Something like thatAnyway, I drew the picture
It took maybe an hourBy the time I was finished,
I felt better Although I remembered very little
about prada clutch making the drawing, I remembered enough to
170
know this story was a lie"Then I lay down and
took a nap
"Can I have it?"
I felt a surge of dismay, but couldn't think of a
way to say no that wouldn't hurt her feelings or
sound crazy"If you really want itIt's not much,
thoughWouldn't you rather have one of
Freemantle's Famous Sunsets? Or the mailbox with
the rocking horse! I could-"
"This is the one I want," she said"It's funny
and sweet and even a littleYou look at her one way and you say, 'A
doll' You look another way and say, 'No, a little
girl - after all, isn't she standing up?' It's
amazing how much you've learned to do with colored
pencils She nodded decisively"This is the one
I wantOnly you have to name vintage chanel jewelry it

"The Lootenant thinks that all the noncoms ought to talk this over now He mentioned this flatly as if to convey that the idea had not come from him"We're gonna send some men back with Wilson, an' I think we ought to figure out who we don't want
"How many you sending with him, Lootenant?" Brown asked
Hearn hadn't thought about that until nowHow many would it be? He shrugged, trying to remember the number of men specified in the manual"Oh, I think six will about do it," he said
Croft shook his head, made an abrupt decision"We ain't gonna be able to spare six, Lootenant, we'll have to make it four"It's gonna be a sonofabitch with four silver handbags men
"Yeah, four men, not so good," Martinez said sarcasticallyHe knew he would not be chosen as one of the litter-bearers, and this once it made him bitterHis nerves were still taut from the ambushHe knew Brown would maneuver himself into going back with Wilson, while he would have to go ahead with the platoon"You're right, Sergeant, we can spare only four litter-bearers His voice was easy, forceful, as if he had been commanding them for a long time"We never can tell when some other man jack is going to get hit, and we'll need bearers for him
This was the wrong thing to sayThey all looked glum, and their mouths tightened"Goddammit," Brown gold gucci watches blurted out, "we been pretty lucky up to now this campaignOutside of Hennessey and Togliowhy in the hell did it have to be Wilson?"
Martinez rubbed his fingertips, staring at the groundHe slapped at an insect on his neck
"We might be able to get him back okay," Brown said"You're gonna send a noncom with the litter-bearers, aren't you, Lootenant?"
Hearn didn't know the procedure, but there was no point in admitting it"I think we can spare one of you noncoms
Brown wanted to be pickedHe had concealed it from the others, but nevertheless he had gone to pieces behind the ledge"I guess it's Martinez's turn to go back," he said, however, not cartier pasha watch without guile, for he knew Croft would want Martinez with himYet on another level Brown was trying to be fair
"I need Japbait," Croft said shortly"I guess it'll be you, Brown
"Any way you want it Brown rubbed his hand over his cropped brown hair, fingered a jungle ulcer on his chinHe felt vaguely guilty"Who'll I take?"
Croft reflected"How 'bout Ridges and Goldstein, Lootenant?"
"You know the men better than I
"Well, they ain't much fuggin good, but they're strong enough, an' if you push 'em, Brown, they ain't gonna goof-off on yaThey were awright when we carried Wilson back from where he got hit Croft looked at themHe remembered that tiffany co earrings Stanley and Red and Gallagher had almost got into a fight on the boatStanley had crawfished, and he wouldn't be much use nowStill, he was a smart kid, Croft thought, probably smarter than Brown
"Who else?"
"I figure you need a good man since you got a coupla fug-upsHow about takin' Stanley?"
"Sure
Stanley was not certain what he wantedHe was relieved to be heading back for the beach, to be out of the patrol, but still he felt cheatedIf he stayed with the platoon, there would be better chances later with Croft and the LieutenantHe didn't want any more combat, not like that ambush certainly, but stillIt was Brown's fault, he told chloe white himsel

In the past hour, lying on the stretcher, he had slid between consciousness and delirium, and now he was very tired, very spentTo Wilson there was no point in moving on any fartherHe was perfectly content at the moment to remain here; he did not think at all of what would happen to himHe knew only that he didn't want to be carried again, could not bear the agony of being jolted on the stretcher
Brown was tempted, so tempted that he did not dare to believe Wilson"What are you talking about, boy?"
"Lea' me, men, jus' lea' me Weaks tears came into Wilson's eyesRemotely, almost as if it did not concern him, he shook his head"I'm holdin' ya back, men, jus' lea' me behind It was all confused in dolce and gabbana knock off his mind again; he thought they were on a patrol and he was lagging back because of his sickness"When a man gotta be crappin' all the time, it jus' slows ya up
Stanley had come up beside Brown"What does he want us to do, leave him?"
"Yeah
"Think we ought to?"
Brown generated some rage"Goddammit, Stanley, what the hell's the matter with you?" Again Brown was temptedA deep lassitude had filled his body; he had no desire to move on"Come on, men, let's go," he bawledHe saw Ridges lying asleep a few feet away and it enraged him"Come on, Ridges, will you quit dickin'-off?"
Ridges woke up slowly, almost leisurely"Jus' restin', that's all," he complained mildly"If a man wants to get some rest He white chloe bag trailed it off, hooked on his belt and walked over to the litter
They moved on again, but the rest period had been bad for themThey had lost the urgency, the tension, that had driven them forward when everything else was goneNow after marching a few hundred yards they were almost as tired as they had been when they halted, and the heat of the sun made them dizzy and weakWilson began to moan quite steadily
This tormented themTheir bodies felt powerless and clumsy; each time he groaned they winced with guilt and empathy, and the torments of his wound seemed to pass through the handles of the stretcher up into their armsThey bickered constantly for the first half mile while they still had wind necklace chanel to speakEverything they did grated on everybody else, and they snapped at each other continually
"Dammit, Goldstein, why don't you watch it?" Stanley would shout after a sudden jar
"Why don't you men quit the fussin' and do some work?" Ridges would mutter
"Aaah, blow it out," Stanley would shout
And Brown would interfere"Stanley, you're talkin' too damn muchWhy'n't you do some goddam work?"
They struggled on, enraged at each otherWilson began to babble again, and they listened to him dully"Men, why don' you all lea' me, a man who cain't hold up his end ain't worth a goddamAh'm jus' holdin' you backJus' lea' me, men, that's all Ah askOl' Wilson'll get along, y' don' have to worry about gucci purses him
"Jus' lea' me, men
It tickled in their shoulders, washed down to their fingertips, which seemed to loosen on the litter handles"What the hell you talkin' about, Wilson?" Brown pantedEach of them was fighting his private battle
Goldstein stumbled, and Wilson shouted at him"Goldstein, you're a no-good bastard, you done that on purpose, Ah been watchin' ya, and you're no good The name twisted in Wilson's head; he remembered the handle at his right foot being called Goldstein, and when the litter had dipped in that direction, he had bawled out the name"Goldstein's no fuggin good, a man who won't take a drink He giggled weakly, a little blood welling stickily from the parched hollow of his chloe paddington bags throa

He is making forty dollars a week, and working as a soda jerk in the corner drug store on weekendsHe is tired, often worried; her delivery is a Caesarean, and they go into debt to pay the doctorHer scar troubles him; despite himself he looks at it with distaste and she notices thatShe is completely involved with the child, content to stay at home for week after weekIn the long evenings, he wants her very often and contains himself, sleeping irritablyOne night their coupling ends in a quarrel
He has a bad habit in the middleAlways, despite his injunctions, he must ask, are you warm? Her smile is so noncommittal; he is vaguely angered
A little, she will say
He slows himself, rests his head on her shoulder, relaxing, breathing deeply
How are you now? Are you close, Natalie?
Her smile againDon't worry about me
He glides through prada logo the passage of several neutral minutes, his mind far away, imagining another childThey had the last one after discussing it and agreeing that they wanted a baby, but now he cannot afford another one, and he is wondering if her diaphragm has been set properlyHe thinks he can feel it, which worries himAbruptly, he is conscious of the pressure in his loins, the perspiration on his back, and he halts roughly, relaxing again
How close are you?
Don't worry about me, Joey
He is angry suddenlyTell me, how close are you?
Oh, darling, I won't be able to tonight, it's not important, go ahead, don't mind me, it's not important
The bickering offends both of them, makes them coldHe dreads his tasteless isolated throe, knows suddenly that he cannot do it, cannot lie afterwards on his bed depressed with failureAnd he leaves her on the bed, chanel black tote bag and walks over to the window, staring at the drab parchment of the shadeHe is trembling, partially from cold
She comes up beside him, nuzzling her body against his to warm himThe caress is tentative, uncertain, and it offends himHe feels her maternalnessGo away, I don't want aa mother, he blurts, feeling doubt and then dread at the awfulness of what he has said
Her mouth forms in the blank smile, wrinkles suddenly into weepingShe cries on the bed like a little girlHe realizes abruptly after two and a half years of marriage that when she forms that smile she is close to hysteria and terror and perhaps even loathingThe knowledge freezes in his chest
After a moment he flops down beside her, cushions her head, and tries to comfort her weeping, his numb hand moving over her forehead and face

In the morning none of it seems so spy bag replica awful, and by the end of a week he has nearly forgotten itBut on his side it marks the end or almost the end of one expectation from marriage, and for Natalie it means she must pretend excitement in order to avoid hurting himTheir marriage settles again like a foundation seeking bedrockFor them, that species of failure is not acute, not really dangerousThey ensconce themselves in their child, in adding and replacing furniture, in discussing insurance and finally buying someThere are the problems of his work, his slow advances, the personalities of the men in the shopHe takes to bowling with a few of them, and Natalie joins the sisterhood at the local temple, induces them finally to give courses in the danceThe rabbi is a young man, quite liked because he is modernOn Wednesday nights they have a baby sitter, and listen to his lectures louis vuitton jewelry on bestsellers in the social room
They expand, put on weight, and give money to charitable organizations to help refugeesThey are sincere and friendly and happy, and nearly everyone likes themAs their son grows older, begins to talk, there are any number of pleasures they draw from himThey are content and the habits of marriage lap about them like a warm bathThey never feel great joy but they are rarely depressed, and nothing immediate is ever excessive or cruel
The war comes and Joey doubles his salary with overtime and promotionHe is up before the draft board twice and is deferred each time, but in 1943 when they start drafting the fathers he does not try for an exemption because he is a war workerThere is a sense of guilt in all the familiar landscape of his home, there is the discomfort of walking the street in civilian replicas bolsas clothe

If I get out, he told himself, I could write Polack a letter and say, "Who's crazy now?" Minetta began to giggle as he thought of Polack's face when he read thatIt's just a question of guts, he said to himself
He lay down and remained without moving for half an hour, holding the magazine over his faceThe sun had heated the tent until it felt like a steam room, and Minetta was weak and miserableA tension increased inside him, and suddenly, without allowing himself to think, he stood up and shrieked, "Fug yez all
"Take it easy," a soldier said from a nearby cot
Minetta threw his magazine at him, and screamed, "There's a Jap outside the fuggin tent, omega automatic seamaster watch there's a Jap right over there, right over there He looked about wildly, and shouted, "Where's a gun, gimme a gun He was shaking with excitementHe picked up his rifle, and pointed it through the door of the tent"There's the Jap, there he is," he screamed, and fired the rifleHe heard it numbly, a little amazed at his audacityI ought to be an actor, went through his mindHe waited, expecting the soldiers to grab him, but no one movedThey were watching him warily, frozen with astonishment and fear on their cots"Get rid of your guns, men, they're attacking," he said, and threw his gun to the groundHe kicked it once, and then went over to his cot, which he picked white chanel purse up and hurled down againHe threw himself in the dirt and began to screamA soldier fell on top of him, and Minetta struggled for a moment and then relaxedHe could hear men shouting, and the sounds of footsteps running toward himI did it, I bet, he told himselfHe began to tremble, and allowed some spittle to form on his lipsHe had a picture of a madman he had seen once in a movie who had foamed at the mouth
Someone picked him up roughly, and sat him on a cotIt was the doctor, who dressed his wound"What's this man's name?" the doctor asked
"Minetta," somebody said
"All right," the doctor began, "let's cut this out, MinettaYou're not going to get away with chanel shopping bags it
"Fug you, you wouldn't get the Jap," Minetta screamed
The doctor shook him"Minetta, you're talking to an officer in the UIf you don't answer civilly, I'll have you court-martialed
Minetta was terrified for a momentI'm in, but in, he said to himselfIt was the last line of an obscene joke, and he began to laugh a little hystericallyThe sound of his mirth encouraged him, and he increased it wildlyThey can't do a thing to me if I play it right, he thought numbly, and he stopped laughing suddenly, and said, "Fug you, you sonofabitch Jap In the silence he heard a soldier say, "He's nuts, all right," and then someone answering him, "Did ya see him point coco chanel handbags that gun? Jeez, I thought he was gonna kill us all
The doctor grew thoughtful"You're acting, Minetta, I'm on to you," he said suddenly Minetta dribbled some spittle over his lower lipI got him by the balls, he told himself
"Give him a sedative," the doctor said to an orderly standing beside him, "and move him over to Number Seven
Minetta gazed vacantly at the dirt floorThat was the tent that contained the serious patients, he had heardHe began to spit on the ground"You Jap," he shouted after the doctorHe stiffened as the orderly grasped him and then relaxed and began to giggle meaninglesslyHe made no motion when the hypodermic needle went into his omega geneve automatic ar